Chasing the Light- Reflections on Deity
by Jack Crowley
ADF Dedicant
Once again, this "short" essay has to do with the ADF Dedicant's
Program. One of the million or two essays that need to be written in order
to complete the program. Where as Nature Spirits was a bit challenging for
me, and involved some research, Deity is so much easier. I've been researching
Deity and chasing after It all my life. Hence, the name of this essay, Chasing
the Light.
In J.M. Barrie's story about Peter Pan there is a scene where Peter chases
his shadow all over Wendy's room trying to catch it and reattach it to himself.
Somehow he and his shadow were disconnected somewhere. That is sorta the way
I am with Deity. I have been chasing It forever.
When I was a kid, I sorta had an imaginary friend. I'd talk to him, shared
thoughts with him, asked him questions. But this was an unusual imaginary
friend, it was God.
As I got older, I continued to talk with my Friend, and as the teen years
approached, I invited Him in through the auspices of Evangelical Christianity.
I became a major, heavy duty bible thumper. But from the beginning of this
chapter in my life, I struggled with the concept of hell and the idea that
if people believed differently, they would be damned forever and ever, amen.
It just didn't sound like the kind of thing my Friend would do. So I moved
on.
I studied Mormonism (which has a very small hell and three heavens), liberal
Christianity, Quakerism, the Bahai Faith, Buddhism, 12 Stepism, Islam, and
a host of New Age ideologies. Every one of these belief systems had things
I liked, and things I didn't like. I could easily have taken a little of this,
and a little of that and created a Mr. Potato Head version of my Friend. But
I enjoyed the search too much to stop and take the time to do that.
In the early 90s I read a book called Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler.
It left a definite impression on me. I developed a mythology that stated that
when Deity next revealed Itself to humanity, It would do so as a Maiden. Let
me explain my logic just a bit. Deity originally was the Mother, the Earth
Goddess. Then She morphed into the God, the patriarchial religions of Judaism
and Islam. The Son soon arrived in the form of Christianity. But Deity has
never really had an Age of the Maiden, an Age of Kore. Now these ideas I definitely
stole from parts of Drawing down the Moon. But it made sense to me.
In 2004, I made the great leap of faith into Paganism. I got active in both
Druidism ADF and Stone Circle Wicca. And that is where I am right now. So
with my entire spiritual biography before you, where does this leave me concerning
Deity? Good question.
ADF Druidry is polytheistic. They believe in many gods and goddesses.
Their reasoning is that early Paganism of the Celt variety (and really of
other varieties as well) was definitely polytheistic. They didn't believe
in one god behind the many. They believed in many gods period. I agree with
that up to a point. I agree that Brigid is different from the Morrigan is
different from the Dagda is different from Manannan. They are different Deities
with very different personalitites. You need to approach each of them in different
ways. But I personally believe that they are reflections of the One, just
as we are reflections of the One. I am not Holly or Will or Caryn, I am Jack.
But we share a common base, and ultimately that base is Deity. So perhaps
I am not a monotheist, but I most defintely am a Monist.
On my altar, I have the Earth Mother. She is the symbol of the One behind
the many. She is the Woman behind the curtains, ultimately pulling the levers.
She is the One I pray to, in addition to Persephone or whatever other Deity
I am dealing with at the time. I also continue to include the Prophets and
Gods whom I have brushed upon and gotten to know over the years. Jesus is
there, as well as the Buddha, as well as Baha'ullah and Krishna and Mohammad.
So I guess in many respects, I'm extremely polytheistic. But ultimately, my
connection is with the Mother and with the Maiden.
Just as an aside, I realize that my thealogy is not historically accurate.
I realize I believe differently than the ancient Celts, Germans, or Saxons
did. But that doesn't really bother me. This is how I believe right now. And
that belief system will continue to develop as I have more different experiences.
I'll never know perfectly. I'll always be looking in a mirror that is just
a bit steamy, just a bit unclear. But what I see, I need to follow.
I see Paganism eventually becoming the faith of the future. We are becoming
more and more diverse as a planet. We need to have a religion of diversity
and of tolerance. It needs to be real, genuine tolerance. Not just, I'll put
up with your faith even though it is not as good as mine. That can no longer
work. We must celebrate our diversity and our differences. Quoting Crowley,
we are each of us, stars with our own orbits. We need to realize that, and
appreciate each other. This is not fluffy thinking. It is the only kind of
thinking that is going to allow us to survive into the future. If we don't
learn to celebrate and accept each other, if we keep killing each other in
the name of Deity or dogma, I see no hope. Tolerance is the key value needed
for the next millennia. Gods willing, we will find it.
(The previous essay was copied and pasted from a Live Journal article written by Jack Crowley on July 10, 2005).